Sunday, May 10, 2009

Biden Syracuse speech liveblog

I was flipping channels to see what's out there, and the Syracuse U graduation is live on the local ABC affiliate. Joe Botox has just been introduced. No one's laughing at his jokes.

Some blather about Mother's Day; no mention of his first wife, Syracuse native, or their child; a man-bashing joke.

Now he's started screaming about how horrible Vietnam vets were, and glorifying the student occupation of the campus when he was student. Students are glaring and rolling their eyes. On and on about how horrible the world was in 1968, and his generation was so shafted, but they knew they could change the world (thanks for nothing, guys). Yeah, these kids spent a hundred thousand dollars and 4-5 years of their lives to listen to Joe Biden talk about himself.

Now he's telling how he ended the Vietnam war by bullying Henry Kissinger.

And now, you kids inherit a shitty, ruined world (although we '68-ers didn't actual ruin it with our violent, society-altering changes, mind you), including "planet in peril!!"--my ass--

Now he's likening the class to a car wreck--they can further destroy the world with one wrench of the steering wheel. It's up to you!!!

"And the pessmists might point out we cannot guarantee exactly what our change might deliver." No, but I'm pretty sure I have a good idea...

Pan to students yawning, gossiping, texting.

Some sort of blathering about how individuals aren't important...inspiring!

"That's why Barack and I ran." Oh God, that's funny.

Now he's plagiarizing John Lennon...imagine this, imagine that, clean energy, "invest in every child from age three", guaranteeing free college to every 18-year-old regardless of ability, guaranteeing free health care to every person--kids applaud, obviously they don't realize they're going to paying for it--"imagine a country not destroyed by petty ideology"--give me a fucking break--more blather about socialist ideals and lyrics--"that's what you demanded of us in this last election"--really?--"They tell us this is all beyond us, beyond our scope: where they hell have they been?"--reading the Constitution, probably--fervently reassuring the crowd that the Constitution be damned, they will do these things because the American people want it--sadly true--

Joe is "more optimistic now than [he] has ever been in his whole life because of you Syracuse graduates." Now he's bitching that our soldiers in Iraq are "mostly under 30"--didn't see you volunteering, asshole--Pimping AmeriCorps--that'll pay back those six figures in loans--more pseudo-inspiring blather, plagiarizing someone--"if not now, when?"

Pan to parents looking bored and annoyed.

Blah blah, change the world, "it cannot sustain itself in the direction its going now"--the direction you and Barack have turned it, asshole--more lying about Amtrak, insinuation that the National Guard is racist--some asinine applause line I missed because I was getting a lecture from my houseguest about how Biden loves America--hope, mis-applied MLK quote about justice, usual blather about what a great place the school is for giving him an honorary degree

Conclusion--he's grateful for the chance to talk about himself, congratulations, "God Bless Our Troops" (Heather: "They're going to need Him with you and Barack in charge"), go party!

Heather gets up for a beer.

They're presenting an honorary degree to the guy who coined the phrase "frail elderly"--I want to see him get hit upside the head with a straw handbag by Estelle Getty--and an honorary degree for the "journalistic achievements" of liar Seymour Hersh.

Houseguest: "You know, there's paid programming for the Shamwow on one of those other channels."

Excellent idea!

2 comments:

Ken said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kate said...

I would have gone with the Shamwow guy. At least he's entertaining.