Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The People's Seat

Scott Brown, espousing the radical notion that the U.S. Senate isn't the House of Lords:

I donated to his campaign yesterday. About six weeks after I started working in Syracuse, Wisconsin sent me a check of porkulus dollars--increased unemployment compensation was part of Barry's Folly back in February, and it took that long for Wisconsin to figure out how to change the computers. I donated part of it to Breitbart's "care packages for troops in Iraq and Afghanistan" webathon last summer, and held on to the rest of it for the 2010 elections. The 41st vote against Obamacare seems like a worthy cause for Obama bribe money. Bwahahaha.

I expect ACORN and the SEIU are filling out ballots for Coakley right now...but that's no reason not to try to win it legitimately...

(I suppose I could have refused to cash it, but honestly I expect state workers in Madison embezzle uncashed state disbursement checks, because who would know or care? It's free government money!)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

In lieu of real content

Here's a photo gallery of Peyton Manning, the Most Most Valuable Player in NFL history (would love to have been a fly on the wall in the Favre household when that was announced...).

View this gallery at The Indianapolis Star: StarFiles: A Peyton Manning biography

He looks like a baby in 1998. How did I get old?

Saturday, January 9, 2010


Early this morning I had a dream that three Colts defensive players died of injuries incurred during a football game conducted in a post-apocalyptic setting. Metaphor or prediction? I'm not sure I want to know. Given the sad state of national security, it's entirely possible...

Anyone following me on Twitter (and you should, because I'm funny) may be aware that the Colts' season ended halfway through the game against the Jets during Week 16, when the front office made it known they have no interest in winning football games (Attention "I believe made-up quotes" Irsay: call Barack Obama, he still has an opening for a "not interested in victory" czar). You may remember 2005, when they gave the starters four weeks off and subsequently played like a junior high team in January. I'd like to thank the league for scheduling this year's ignominous defeat for late on a Saturday night so I can be comfortably numb before kickoff, with a full 24 hours before I need to sober up for work.

So here is my Game With the Name You Can't Use Lest the NFL Sue You for Trademark Infringement prediction: Chargers and Vikings, in a game I won't bother to watch because Phillip Rivers is an even bigger jackass than Bert Faver.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

When I grow up, I want to be a "stunt veggie"

Not really, but the phrase cracks me up.

Addiction Management

If I hadn't bled all over my kitchen over the weekend I would have assumed there was liquid caffeine running through my veins, so I have no room to mock anyone for their addiction to legally-attainable substances*.

I am very good at making sure I have access to adequate coffee/soda supplies in my apartment/cubicle/road trips, and Excedrin to keep the headaches away should I fail. Folgers singles--the coffee snob shudders, but you throw some milk and sugar in there, and Thanksgiving morning at a house with no coffeemaker becomes bearable, while you try to convince someone to go to Dunkin Donuts and get you some brewed coffee. :)

I realize this is junkie behavior.

But I would never go outside in -20°F weather with no socks looking for a fix (warning: gory medical photos). Hell, I've got wool socks over my cotton socks and my waterproof insulated boots just to dig out my car and go grocery shopping when it's +20°F.

Do you file this under "global warming is deadly!" or "tobacco use is deadly!"??

No word on whether this dumbass has medical insurance, but since they didn't leave him to die on the street he must (if President Obama isn't lying to me...hah!); in the brave new world of government healthcare I'm sure he'll pay a bigger penalty for smoking than he will be for being stupid. Fat people--well, you don't deserve surgery unrelated to your condition, because of your "lifestyle choices." Snowboarders--that knee replacement is no problem!

But mostly I'm annoyed with the tone of the article. We're supposed to feel sorry for him, he almost died, he might lose toes...he's an idiot. The idiot supply in this country is in no danger of drying up.

It's a good cautionary tale--wear socks in January, nothing good happens when you go out after midnight--but I think they're missing a bigger picture here. There's no more personal responsibility/adulthood anymore. A 27-year-old man is a kid who needs our sympathy because no one reminded him to put on socks before he went outside in the snow. Seriously!? And this gets him on TV?

If he gets a book deal, it's safe to say western civilization is dead.

Alright, I need more coffee.

(I will say that once I got past the "poor kid" crap, I did find learning about how they treat frostbite/hypothermia, in case I'm stupid enough to go out on the NY Thruway between now and the end of Lake Effect Snow Season, and two pairs of socks aren't enough.)

* I do not believe hardcore junkies or even teenagers shooting up heroin for the first time are going to read a government pamphlet, even if it's yellow. Although I guess I'm mocking the "wanna make a difference without doing any real work" nanny crowd more than the users here, aren't I?

Saturday, January 2, 2010

No blood for Gaia!

Sliced a dime-sized patch of skin off my right index finger this morning trying to wash out a Campbell's soup can. I thought it would make a decent (FREE!) container to hold fabric-dyeing spoons separate from spoons I use for food (this is crucial; dyes are 'non-toxic' but that doesn't mean 'edible'). Bled through two fabric bandages and ruined my plans to spend the day with my hands in buckets of salty water.

Attention brainwashed hippies who lack critical thinking skills: this is why I don't wash my garbage to recycle it. It's not worth the pain and suffering. No blood for Gaia! Not to mention conservation of our precious freshwater supplies...I have no idea why people who refuse to shower because hygiene hurts the planet insist we should waste water in this fashion.

OTOH, if you don't mind bleeding to death to save the planet, YOU can wash and recycle my garbage.

(I decided to house my fabric-dyeing spoons in...a plastic grocery bag. Lacks the aesthetic appeal of the soup can, but I should have gone for safety in the first place.)